Crumbling

For some reason today, I feel like my world is starting to crumble all around me.  I have no idea where this came from – I’ve been getting better at pinpointing what jump-starts feelings like this, but I can’t at the moment.  I want to curl up and cry, but for what?  Can I try to weave my way through to figure this out without boring you too much?

My husband isn’t feeling quite well and there’s nothing I can do to help him.  I feel like I’m slowing up in my work again, whether it’s from repetitive boredom or just this looming feeling hanging over me.  My daughters need me (which is priority #1), but I’m trying to get some of this work in while my husband is around.  There’s gotta be more to it than just this.  Why can’t I figure this out?

I sound so negative too, when really, I want to be positive.  Maybe I’m cycling into a depressive phase.  Maybe it’s because I feel like I’m stuck in the house because of this daily, piddly snow shit that we’ve been getting.  I’m a homebody, but fuck.  There’s only so much a girl can take.  I wanted to go out for a little while this morning to run some errands, but it just kept snowing and my mom asked me to just wait for another day to do it.  (I know I’m old enough to make my own decisions.  She just had this way about her that made me say “sure”.)

There seems like there’s more that I need to say, but I think I lost it.  Maybe I’ll be back later with something a little more uplifting.  I just gotta get out of this funk.

~ S

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