Here you are. Mind racing. Heart beating fast. Eyes welling up with tears. Painfully grinding your teeth. Punching the air like you’re in a fight for your life. You want – no – need something physical to diminish the gut-wrenching, internal, emotional pain that you can’t soothe, that you can’t control.
Life throws so much shit your way. It’s frustrating when that happens. It’s exhausting when you add in all kinds of deafening emotions and projected situations and imagined conversations. Especially because those emotions and situations and conversations likely will not go as you think they will.
It always seems like when one thing goes wrong, it gets piled upon by another issue and another setback and another… It’s heavy. It’s suffocating. It’s hopeless. But you know what? You’ve been through bad situations before, each being a little more than the last and you’re still here. I’m not going to lie to you. It’s not going to get easier as you get older. It becomes far more complex than what you’re dealing with right now. It seems impossible to think that is the truth at the moment but it is true. If you learn to cope and strategize and overcome these issues, it prepares you for the world ahead.
You have spent years of your life doubting yourself because over that time, you took all the negative shit and built it up so high that you have doubted your worth, your strength, your capability. You spend your time joking away everything because reality hurts like a bitch. You do your best to hold it together in front of others so they don’t see you coming apart at the seams. You pour your anguish into journals and artwork to create a visual of how you feel so you can try to make sense of it all. You have spent countless hours hiding in your room, crying, thinking what if you weren’t here, that it would be better if you didn’t exist.
Fuck. That. Shit.
You’re getting tired of putting yourself down. It wouldn’t be better without you. You are you. You are unique (but not unique in this way of thinking). You are loved no matter what. You are not the black sheep. You are not a fuck up. You are not dumb. You are one in a million and nobody’s life would be complete without you in it. Especially your own. (I know. Sounds weird, that last sentence. Just go with it. It will eventually make sense.)
You will still, at times, be negative about things. But if last year taught you anything…nothing is going to be thrown your way with you ending up the big whiffer. Not on what matters. You’re gonna call your shot and hit that fucking ball out of the park. Although dwelling in the past isn’t helpful, the naysayers have conditioned you to be defiant, for you to say “Hold my drink” and raise your middle fingers high in the air and prove them all wrong. And the journey that helps you reach each goal can sometimes be sweeter than the outcome.
Be as determined about anything in your life like you are when you get obsessed about a new hobby or clothing trend. Make yourself worthwhile. Make yourself happy. Make yourself unexpendable. And if anyone around you thinks you are otherwise, then my dear, they are just as unworthy, sad and expendable as they think you are.
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